who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
