she was so not down for the gang bang
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
