And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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