The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
