Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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