I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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