But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
