This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
