ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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