The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
