the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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