is your mom at the bar?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
