Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
