Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
