..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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