there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
