so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
