You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
