I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
