i would punch a child for taco bell
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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