i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
