Will you blow on my dice?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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