my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
