As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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