I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
