I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
