Sober January is a disaster.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
