If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
where am i from again
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
