Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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