Where is the hickey?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How external is "for external use only"?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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