nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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