God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
