This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
