I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize