Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
