Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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