This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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