Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
