I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i out mim tonsoeep
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