and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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