Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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