and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
