I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize