I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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