your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
