dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
