I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
