I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
