I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
