Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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