Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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