The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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