Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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