Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
