His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
