i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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