omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
