how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
