are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
