fuck your aforementioned shoe
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
