if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
