1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
