Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
