you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
