btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
