After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
