I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Randomize
